Having visited Cardiff last weekend I was struck by the sheer number of Big Issue sellers we passed. Passing a Big Issue seller is an artform that needs to be practiced. I’m starting to think that they should be restricted to the point where they are not allowed to sell the magazine if they veer more than 12 inches from their allocated spot. Even if you start to take a diagonal path to avoid them you still seem to get trapped in their net.
Big Issue Magazine
The first one I interacted with was on Friday night, I was on my way back to the hotel with my wife, drunk at which point an almost elderly Big Issue seller approached us.
“Big Issue sir” he said.
Now in my head I was forming the words “No thanks”, aiming to stay polite but to the point. Unfortunately by the time these words reached my mouth they had morphed into…
“No chance!” – at which point I carried on walking, looking rude and to the point instead.
Saturday morning came and I lost count of how many I passed before even having breakfast. Now I understand the point of these people selling the Big Issue, but I just wish they would sell something I’d actually want. I would prefer to just give money to them but apparently they “don’t want charity” – but isn’t it charity to buy something off of them that you’re just going to throw straight in the bloody bin?
The only plausible use I can think of for a fucking Big Issue is to beat away other Big Issue sellers. Some of them are amusing and take on an almost “street performer” persona in trying to convince you to purchase their special brand of printed toilet paper where as others are just downright rude and smelly, particularly if you decline to purchase from them.
What really fucked me off royally though was passing one particular Big Issue seller who was not trying particularly hard to sell any copies because he was too busy chatting on his mobile phone! I mean really… his MOBILE PHONE!!! How the fuck can he afford a mobile phone from selling the Big Issue? Where in his mind does he consider topping up his mobile to be a priority over clothing, food and a warm place to live?
Now I hope at this point you’re as fucking irritated as I was (am) because I am about to make it worse… I checked his phone out… it was an iPhone!!! A bastard iPhone. A minimum of a 4 as well, not a poxy out of date 3G, no a bloody 4, 4s or 5 from what I could tell.
iPhone Rocking Homeless Dude
So there he stands, in the middle of the street, selling the Big Issue, making us all think he is homeless and starving whilst standing there rocking a £400 handset! Simply selling that fecking phone could get him a deposit on a place to live for a month!!!
FUCK OFF!!! That is the last time I worry about passing up the opportunity to buying that rag of shite from a guy who is claiming he can only get to sleep by stuffing the unsold copies down his trousers for warmth!
Next time, come to me and ask me to buy you a fucking sandwich!!! Fuckers!
themiseryguts 