I live in Melbourne and like a lot of new designed cites it has the grid system in abundance. Apart from it being the originator of the term grid locked it creates another problem. Pedestrians need to cross roads so we have a system of buttons and lights that assist us with this, you may be familiar with the system yourself. It is a simple system, you press the button and the lights stop the traffic. In a grid system you have a lot of intersections where people need to cross but it is also quite simple, when the cars are travelling North to South the pedestrians can cross North to South and when the cars are travelling East to West the pedestrians can cross East to West. There is a phase and a predictable order to this. When you introduce people into this system there are a number of things that really piss me off. The first one is people who press the button when there are already people at the crossing waiting for the lights to change. What this dumb fuck is really saying when he or she does this is, “ok, I have arrived at a crossing and there is a bunch of people standing there, they have evolved to the point where they have developed speech and are wearing clothes, many of them have suits on suggesting professional jobs, but I don’t think any of these bastards know what the button is for so I am going to press it and teach them an important life lesson”.
Press the button ONCE!!! IF YOU HAVE TO!
This creates the second thing that pisses me off. They never ever press it once, they always press it three times, every time this happens I feel the rage build up inside of me. All I want to do is turn round and say in utter astonishment, “fuck me is that what that button is for? We have all been stood here for fucking ages, it is a good thing you came a long when you did!” And then I would enter into a line of questioning around why you need to press it three times. There are a lot of buttons in my life and pretty much all of them only need to be pressed once in order for them to do what I want them to do, the light switch only needs to be pressed once, the TV remote only needs to be pressed once, I only have to press the key fob to my car once to unlock the doors and thank fuck I only have to press the buttons on my keyboard once otherwise this rant would take me three times as long. In fact the only button that I can think of that needed multiple and rapid pressing was the one on that arcade game Track and Field where fervent button pressing results in the little dude running faster, jumping higher, or throwing further.
Finally after they have done the three button press, they wait for about 20 or 30 seconds and they press it again. THEY ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE QUICKER JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE ARRIVED AND PRESSED THE FUCKING BUTTON A LOT OF TIMES!!!!
themiseryguts 