Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

Soaps, they should be banned.

Posted: August 26, 2011 in general annoyances, marriage
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I don’t mean soap.  Soap is good.  People need soap.  Soap is clean.  We like soap.

What should be banned is soaps.  Television soap operas.  Tonight I am hostage in my own home.  We have visitors.  Visitors who all like to watch soaps.  Now I am trapped here having to suffer the worst punishment in television.  Well, the worst punishment there is apart from the sodding X-Factor.

What I don’t understand is why I am being looked at like I am a miserable git because I can’t stand to be sat here watching fucking soaps.  I mean really.  I don’t watch fucking soaps normally.  Why do I have to watch them just because we have got visitors.

I already caught a look like I am being rude for suggesting I am going to go upstairs, but really… I can’t stand bastard soaps.

So now I am sat here venting silently on here.  Thank you WordPress for giving me this outlet.  There is every chance if it weren’t for this I would possibly end up committing GBH!

Bastards.

40 minutes left…

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Crap Day, Foreigners, marriage, Travel, Violence, Work
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There’s just 40 minutes left of what has been a bit of a crap day.

I’ve had what’s left of my hair removed by my wife who wasn’t paying attention. I now look like Evan Davis! I have to keep checking that I haven’t got any of the kids fuzzy felts stuck to my head.

I got lost countless times trying to fund this here hotel. Bloody “crap-nav” letting me down big-time.

About the only thing that’s making things ok is that I’m having a better day than Gaddafi.

Sham Marriage

Posted: August 9, 2011 in marriage
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19:36 – As London burns and chaos reigns supreme, I am sat in the hotel restaurant awaiting my food.
To my left is a retired Scottish couple, they are, without a doubt, the politest people I have ever seen.
They are discussing what sharing platters to order and it’s a constant negotiation with each of them taking their turn to say what they want, checking first if it’s ok with the other.
It’s making me sick. Who do they think they are kidding? This is not how married people behave!

“well I am fancying the vegetarian sharing platter, how does that work for you?” she asks.

“yes, I think that works fine” he replies.

Bullshit! I know what he is really thinking.

“great, you want the vegetarian platter do you? So now I have to look forward to vegetarian farts from your aged arse.”

“yes, the dollar is one of the most reliable currencies around” he says.

“yesssss” she replies.

Hmm, dubious, I think she means…

“you boring bastard, no wonder I had to order the large glass of wine, it’s barely enough to numb my pain”.

“you see, the thing is we are not in the town. We’re not in the resort, it’s just outside. But that’s good you see because, being in the middle of it all is not our thing…” she says.

“no, you’re right” he says.

Mate, you’re convincing no one. You were really thinking…

“are you serious? You miserable cow, if I wasn’t stuck with you I’d be right there in the middle of it all, lusting after all that 20’s to 30’s flesh that I will never know again. God I’m depressed, I’m sitting here discussing the quality of our last holidays tour guide when… Oh sod it, pass me that artichoke. What do you mean no? It’s bloody mine!”

All I am thinking now is… Dare I take a photo for the blog?

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