11:53 – We’ve broken free from the gravitational pull of the Holiday Village and got on a bus for an hour and a half of miserable windy roads showcasing the dried out shit hole of a rock that is the island of Tenerife.
Its not that they aren’t trying, some areas have been artificially enhanced quite nicely but unfortunately the bulk of the island is littered with half built and half fallen down buildings, the ones that are being built up have mostly been given up on, it makes you wonder if it’s an indication of the Canarian mindset.
So we’ve arrived in Los Christianos and it’s less than impressive.
We just got interrupted by Davros’ wife trying to steer her electric wheel through a gap that’s too small, the sister in law made a token gesture at moving the seat but Mrs Davros had to do a reversing manouvre.
13:16 – I just reluctantly finished off a full English and it was superb. Things are now looking up as we’ve found a park with live jazz / rock music in a nearby pub. Momentarily everyone us happy.
Two of the women have gone shopping, this is much better than being stood waiting for what seems like hours in the male holding area that all the holiday resort shops have outside.
A nice cigar smell just wafted over, I bloody despise smoking but an expensive cigar still smells sweet.
The band are playing Brown Eyed Girl. I momentarily forgot that this place is a bit of a dive.
We just found a restaurant selling handmade Italian Gellato in all sorts of flavours. Mint choc chip for me and the boy. We are eating it whilst watching a ferry pulling out, it looks like it’s great big mouth is open with a gigantic tongue being retracted as it reverses. A bit like mine shovelling ice cream. I’m going to be one tubby mofo when I get home.
15:28 – they don’t seem to believe in public toilets here, perhaps you can piss where ever you like as it’s a twll.
16:57 – almost back at planet of the fatties, just saw a midget chef almost get squashed between the bus and a car. I wonder what sound a midget makes when he gets squashed.
21:33 – stupid bus driver missed our stop and made us walk from the next stop in the searing heat. He pretended to not understand us when we wanted help. Cock. His English was fine when we got on the bus.
I also fell out with the locals over how to use a zebra crossing. I need some Europeans to give me their interpretation as it seems they are basically just a way of using up leftover white paint.
The boy that looks like Gail from coronation street keeps showing his face, what little of it you can see past his curtain of hair. It’s styled in a way that makes me think of a Lego man that’s been partially melted in the oven.
I just upset some cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys. This wasn’t difficult as the fookers have no sense of humour. All I can say is that it must have been a good joke.
We are going on a jeep safari tomorrow, heading up a volcano. With a three year old, a four year old and a ninety five year old. We must be pissing mental.
“Linford” (as we named him after his school sports) just proclaimed “yes… We have run out now!”
themiseryguts 