19:36 – As London burns and chaos reigns supreme, I am sat in the hotel restaurant awaiting my food.
To my left is a retired Scottish couple, they are, without a doubt, the politest people I have ever seen.
They are discussing what sharing platters to order and it’s a constant negotiation with each of them taking their turn to say what they want, checking first if it’s ok with the other.
It’s making me sick. Who do they think they are kidding? This is not how married people behave!
“well I am fancying the vegetarian sharing platter, how does that work for you?” she asks.
“yes, I think that works fine” he replies.
Bullshit! I know what he is really thinking.
“great, you want the vegetarian platter do you? So now I have to look forward to vegetarian farts from your aged arse.”
“yes, the dollar is one of the most reliable currencies around” he says.
“yesssss” she replies.
Hmm, dubious, I think she means…
“you boring bastard, no wonder I had to order the large glass of wine, it’s barely enough to numb my pain”.
“you see, the thing is we are not in the town. We’re not in the resort, it’s just outside. But that’s good you see because, being in the middle of it all is not our thing…” she says.
“no, you’re right” he says.
Mate, you’re convincing no one. You were really thinking…
“are you serious? You miserable cow, if I wasn’t stuck with you I’d be right there in the middle of it all, lusting after all that 20’s to 30’s flesh that I will never know again. God I’m depressed, I’m sitting here discussing the quality of our last holidays tour guide when… Oh sod it, pass me that artichoke. What do you mean no? It’s bloody mine!”
All I am thinking now is… Dare I take a photo for the blog?
themiseryguts 